Hello internet world. I am back. As always when I take a ridiculously long break, I will now begin with a quick catch-up on my life before actually getting to the topic of this post. In the past few weeks I have been to Israel, spent an inordinate amount of time at the gym, spoke at a support group, and am currently having a sleepover with a 12 year old. You could say my life is a little crazy. But I like it.
Anyway, point of this post. Israel proved to be a minor struggle for me in terms of eating and my hunger cues are all messed up again. But I feel awkward reaching out for help to my team or even my coach. (I would rather deal with my coach but I don't know if she would answer me). Let's put it this way....the scale and I didn't agree. But I don't post numbers. SO, that's all you can know. Basically, I am now tasked with fixing the disaster that came out of the most incredible trip of my life. Little ironic that I had more fun but managed to struggle at the same time. I texted my dietitian today and tried to say something about this whole situation to her but she's just been repeating herself. All she says is that I need to trust myself. Well, I'm trying to do that but it's probably a BAD idea. And yes, I know she's going to read this. I accept it. Gaining weight is hard for anyone with an eating disorder. Believe me, I know. But I have to do it. And that will be the strongest thing I've ever done. Out of struggle comes strength I guess. Or at least I really really hope so. Or I am so in trouble.
I don't know how this will pan out or if I will tell my coach or not. It's all kinda up in the air. DOn't worry though...there will be an update. I promise. Watch out for my next post!
Don't let your struggles change you.
Thursday, 5 June 2014
Before I start let me just acknowledge that not everybody agrees with what I am about to say and that I am fully aware that my last post was about the same book. The reason for this post is different than that one. This one is because of an opinion I read, that one of my close friends wrote about the story. She pointed out how much she disliked the book due to a couple of the reasons that make me love the book far more than I thought I would. For those of who are still unaware of the plot of TFIOS, allow me to give a brief synopsis from John Green's website:
"Despite the tumor-shrinking medical miracle that has bought her a few years, Hazel has never been anything but terminal, her final chapter inscribed upon diagnosis. But when a gorgeous plot twist named Augustus Waters suddenly appears at Cancer Kid
Support Group, Hazel’s story is about to be completely rewritten."
So, yes the two main characters have cancer and are teenagers that are basically slowly dying. But that is not the main focus of the book. The focus is placed on their relationship and adventures with the occasional reminder that they are still sick. This is possibly the most realistic representation I can find of what I would want a book about teenagers with cancer or any other chronic/terminal disease to be. A book about teenagers and falling in love and having awkward conversations. It doesn't need to focus on the cancer and the dying and the doctor's appointments for the entirety of the book. We know it's there. They know it's there. Having the cancer be more of a central part would destroy a massive purpose. The purpose of showing that people with disease are still people. For example, eating disorders are often compared to cancer (still not sure how i feel about this..), if I were to write a book about living life with an eating disorder... I would write it much like TFIOS. Where the eating disorder is evident. You know the appointments happen and the medical scares. But the most important part is my life with it there. My life with friends and school and love. Eating disorders happen and it is a part of my life but it doesn't need to be the center. John Green shows this beautifully.
The other point that my friend made is that the book is full of metaphors and cliche statements. She feels that this attempt to be deep, just takes away from any actual meaning the book could have had. Part of me wonders if she remembers being a teenager. It is all metaphors and cliches. It just is. I bought a pack of cigarettes on my 18th birthday. It is the classic thing to do (cliche) but I knew I wouldn't smoke them. Metaphors are all around. And a lot of the time, they give you time to think about something. People have been telling me for years that "life is a journey" which is a metaphor. But it is also true. Sometimes life gets really hard and sucks. But it is a journey with ups and downs and twists and turns. And as a teenager, that is really important to remember.
Lastly, Augustus points out that cancer is made of him. Therefore he is fighting a war against himself. A war in which the winner has probably already been chosen. This part meant so much to me. Because it rings so true in my life as well. My eating disorder is in my brain. It is made of me. As our all the dehydrated organs that are desperately searching for water at the moment. I am fighting myself. The difference is that I have the chance to possibly determine the winner of my war. I just have to recognize the battles.
Basically, this book is incredible and I am extremely grateful to have read it and seen the movie.
You choose what is the center of your story.