Friday, 19 September 2014

Awareness Weeks and Random Holidays

As many of you know, National Suicide Awareness Week just passed. The internet was full of positive messages and statistics and the crisis hotline numbers. The idea that suicide exists was everywhere. For some people, it was a much needed reminder. For others, it may have done more harm than good. It is up for debate. I know that a few of my friends were upset that suicide awareness is always focused around people with depression but eating disorders and other things can be causes as well. Meanwhile, other friends thought that it was pointless to raise awareness. Basically, we all know it happened. And now that week is over and the posts have stopped. But how many of you knew that today was National Talk Like a Pirate Day? Or that tomorrow is National Gymnastics Day? Yes, compared to National Suicide Awareness Week, these seem trivial. Maybe they are. But they bring attention to things that cannot be disputed and things that make people happy. Talking like a pirate is really fun. And we all know how I feel about gymnastics. It could possibly be my favorite day of the month. My point is, that if you are going to pay attention to weeks and months dedicated to big things...don't miss the small ones. Sometimes, they hold the most meaning and joy. Yes, NEDAwareness Week and all the other ones are very very important. But honestly, I hate them. I've never seen more people fight over mental illness and what should be said and what shouldn't. And they can be crazy triggering for people. I had a friend try and commit suicide during that week. I will never view it the same. But on little holidays meant for fun...there is no hatred or incorrect statistics. It's just fun. I don' really know what my point is but I had to get that off of my chest.

Enjoy the little things.

Stay Strong
xo Aria

18 and "Living"

I am an 18 year old girl
Holding tightly onto life
A life doesn't really exist
I stay awake with tears running down my face
And hate myself more and more
With every bite of food
I question why I even try
I am 18 years old
I should be having fun
Living freely
Loving the age I am
Finally an adult
Instead, I hope to not wake up
I hope to never see food again
I am barely holding myself together
I am busy trying to hold off my demons
But they are strong
Instead of eating ice cream
And dating
And being a "normal" girl
I am an anorexic.
I am not living, I am existing

Life doesn't have to be like this

Stay Strong
xo Aria

Saturday, 6 September 2014

What Is In A Name

For the past several days, I have been considering changing my name. After looking into how Judaism views it and reflecting on how I feel towards my name...I think it may be a decent idea. See, every name is attached to a fate. Change your name...change your fate. It is one of the four ways to do it and is also known to help ward off the angel of death. Once I got the Jewish okay to it, I turned inward. I've never particularly liked my given name. For a few reasons. The first being that it is kinda old fashioned and just doesn't seem to fit me as a person. And second because I was given my grandmother's name. Don't get me wrong,  it's an honor. She was an incredible person. She was nice to everyone and believed there was good in everyone. I hold a lot of similar beliefs. But that makes it hard to be myself. I feel a constant comparison to her. I hear about her all the time and when people who knew her meet me...that's all they want to talk about. I think for me, changing my name might not be the worst idea. But it may destroy the relationship I have with my family. Weighing the pros and cons will be what I do this week.

Do you believe in changing fate?

Stay Strong
xo Aria